It was long ago, that my mom used to come running when i fell and scratched my knee. My dad worried when i came with the swelling below my eye, as i had a fight with someone. They used to make me feel that i am the best, over every small reason. I remember all the little things they did to me, to make me happy.
but the times have changed, as i have grown 23. the days are gone, when mom used to come and wake me up with different names given to me at that very instant. now she just comes into the room and yells that I'm already late for my office. she no longer asks me as to what will i like to have for lunch or dinner. i agree, she knows my fav. dishes already, but then too, it feels good when someone, specially your mom cooks something you want to eat that day. Dad is least bothered as to what i keep doing whole day on the net or on phone or at office. its just he asks me as to how my day was, and i reply the same saying, the day was good. once in a blue moon he asks about what exactly i am working on, and i reply with utmost boredom, as if i am not bit int rested in what i do at office.
i cant get a clue, as to when and where it changed, but i am sure, it wont have happened suddenly over a day. may be i was too busy with some stupid activity of mine to observe these little details. may be i was crazy for some girl, or might be i was too involved with newly made friends in college n school. i don't know and i never felt it till past few months. i felt it one day all of a sudden, when my mom told me that i am too old to sleep with my lap in her head. i never knew that age would play its role so bad in my life.
i sometimes feel like just lying down, with my head in my mom's lap, closing eyes, she caressing me, running her fingers through my hair, and i just forget the entire mean world, and try to sleep the most silent sleep i had in my recent past. i wish to let her know what all i feel about things going on around me, actions and people bothering me, activities i am int rested in, i just want to talk my heart n soul to her.
i wish someday i could tell my dad everything i go through the entire day, every thought that comes to m mind about what i want to be in future and what i want to do, or i am planning to start with. i want him to be my best friend, and let him know about the girl i love more than i have ever loved anyone in my life.
why do i sometimes feel that i should have had an elder brother or sister, with whom i could have shared a lot of talks. why do i feel the need of someone sometimes to understand me, to understand what i want in life. why do i feel, that i need someone who can just lend me his/her ear, and listen to all i have to say, without saying a word. is it that, we are running short of time? or is it, we don't have time for what SHIT i am telling now. may be, mom thinks i am too old to do such silly things. Dad might feel not great, when he himself is facing a lot these days. or is it just my perception, that i don't want to seem stupid, idiotic, non-sensible in front of all. i don't want my mom to think, that i am still a small baby,wishing his mother to take care of his everything. i don't want my father to see me as a complete looser, nor i want him to think of me as a desperate, who wants a girl in his life.
but i really feel that things change with the age. i just hope sometimes, i should have never grown this old. but then again i think, its my time to prove myself. its my time to let my parents know that they have given birth to a brave boy. i want my shoulders to be strong enough to bear all the load in life. i want to prove myself as he best kid the parents an ever have and i am ready to face anything and everything for this.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Heart has its reason which reason knows nothing of
Title is a reference to a very Schopenhauerian expression in Blaise Pascal’s Pensées. In original French: “Le cœur a ses raisons que la raison ne connaît pas.”
The heart dwells on things that are illogical. It senses what cannot be seen or heard and thereby makes its decisions on what it feels. As there is no rational explanation for what the heart feels, it makes things all the more complex. The mind wants you to be happy in materialistic achievements, in being on the ‘safer’ side, in being content with goals that ‘seem possible’ to achieve; in leading the same monotonous though risk free, well paying life, but your heart doesn’t. Days pass on and we continue to be a slave of our mind, but in our heart the guilt keeps on increasing. The guilt of binding ourselves, the guilt of not chasing our dream, of not giving them a chance, of being bogged down by the fact that our dreams might never come true. The mind knows that the risk in pursuing is enormous, and hence not reasonable. But your heart wants you to go for it. Isn’t it? Heart believes in keeping HOPE. One of the great thinkers has said “You keep hoping, u keep living, stop hoping, u die, Inside.” Hope is about Imagining, Wishing and Believing. It keeps imagining things irrationally, then wishes for it to be successful and finally believing that it will be successful, however illogical it might be.
Falling in love is the paradigmatic example of an involuntary life-affecting desire. We don’t reason our way into love, and we typically can’t reason our way out: when we are in love, our intellectual weapons stop working. Falling in love is like waking up with a cold-or more fittingly, like waking up with a fever. This is a condition brought upon us, by some external force. Heart says that you are incomplete without the girl you love, that u want to be with her always, but the mind says that if the girl doesn’t want so, you may have to live incomplete all your life, and that life still has to move on. The heart wishes you could undo what u did, that u should have never fallen in love; the mind knows it’s too late. But the heart is unreasonable. Isn't it?
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Strings of Slavery???
Wow, what a lady? i mean how brave a girl and later a lady she was. Arguing with someone as great as Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi, if you know him, is next to impossible. But she had the guts to do so, accompnied with her extreme confidence in herself and her views so open and her foresight to everything, so perfect. Yes, I am talking about our beloved "Ba", Kasturba Mohandas Gandhi.
I dont blog often, but when i recently heard someone talking of liberalization of woman and woman still treated in-humanly, i recollected the deeds of this great lady, in times when women were barely allowed to speak. Kasturba as a child was not educated at all, so much so, she didnt even know to read or write. But she had the ability to understand the situation, observe the people around and behave accordingly. She as a lady never felt helpless, whatever situation she was in, sometimes as a wife, sometimes as a mother, n many a times a co-ordinate of Gandhiji. She on one situation, right after her marrying to Mohandas at the age of 9, made it clear to her husband (Mohandas) that she is just not any other girl, who can be dominated by her husband. Undoubtedly, she too thought of her husband as GOD for her, but she expected her husband to maintain a similar image.
Even today, after 60 years of independence, we speak of liberty of women, their rights, the level of freedom they should enjoy bla, bla, bla.... but do you think, the woman of today is really independent. I know, many wont agree to what i say, but the fact remains the fact. there are many brave ladies in this age, who enjoy all the freedom they should and are living their lives Queen size, but what about the majority? here I am not talking of the girls and ladies living in remote areas of the country, but my finger is pointing to the ladies whom we see in local trains, BEST buses, on the roads, in the markets, in shopping malls...... Ask them to self-analyse thier life as to how happy they are, with the type of life they live, and u'll know, as to not even 50% of the ladies will answer positive. Have we ever tried to know the root cause of this problem? Why is the case that man still try supressing women when they walk shoulder to shoulder in every walk of life.
Is it only coz we believe that India is a male dominated country or is there something else? i think one major reason for it is, woman herself isnt aware of what she wants, what she deserves and what is she getting. the day when she gets answer to all these questions, world would be a much better place for her to live in.
wats ur take on it?
I dont blog often, but when i recently heard someone talking of liberalization of woman and woman still treated in-humanly, i recollected the deeds of this great lady, in times when women were barely allowed to speak. Kasturba as a child was not educated at all, so much so, she didnt even know to read or write. But she had the ability to understand the situation, observe the people around and behave accordingly. She as a lady never felt helpless, whatever situation she was in, sometimes as a wife, sometimes as a mother, n many a times a co-ordinate of Gandhiji. She on one situation, right after her marrying to Mohandas at the age of 9, made it clear to her husband (Mohandas) that she is just not any other girl, who can be dominated by her husband. Undoubtedly, she too thought of her husband as GOD for her, but she expected her husband to maintain a similar image.
Even today, after 60 years of independence, we speak of liberty of women, their rights, the level of freedom they should enjoy bla, bla, bla.... but do you think, the woman of today is really independent. I know, many wont agree to what i say, but the fact remains the fact. there are many brave ladies in this age, who enjoy all the freedom they should and are living their lives Queen size, but what about the majority? here I am not talking of the girls and ladies living in remote areas of the country, but my finger is pointing to the ladies whom we see in local trains, BEST buses, on the roads, in the markets, in shopping malls...... Ask them to self-analyse thier life as to how happy they are, with the type of life they live, and u'll know, as to not even 50% of the ladies will answer positive. Have we ever tried to know the root cause of this problem? Why is the case that man still try supressing women when they walk shoulder to shoulder in every walk of life.
Is it only coz we believe that India is a male dominated country or is there something else? i think one major reason for it is, woman herself isnt aware of what she wants, what she deserves and what is she getting. the day when she gets answer to all these questions, world would be a much better place for her to live in.
wats ur take on it?
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